In this game the score is always ZERO

Santa Monica, California 2010

Are you competing with someone and they don’t know that they are in the game? Do you expend energy to out dress, out smart, or generally out do someone? Do they know this? Do you harbor feelings about a person and the way you express these feeling is to “ be better” than them in some aspect? Does any of this sound familiar?

Let me give you an example: In high school, Tracy was the popular cheerleader. You have resented her for years. This is not unusual, your typical high school angst. Fast forward twenty years. You and Tracy are coworkers. Your goal every day is to make sure you are dressed better than Tracy. You also make an extra effort to let Tracy know how happy you are in your marriage (even if this is not true). You make sure that she knows that your house is bigger and your kids are smarter. The most absurd behavior of all is that when Tracy is nice to you, and she is always nice to you, you assume that she is being insincere and disingenuous.

You have an agenda and a game plan and Tracy has no idea she is the opponent.

This type of behavior is an energy waster. The energy you are using to “one-up” someone could be used to explore the feeling behind the behavior. There is ALWAYS a root to the expression. Your expression can be a beautiful rose or an invasive weed. You can use that energy to forgive. You can use that energy to genuinely treat someone well. Exploring your feelings but not living in the past forces you to remember who you really are and helps you to become more authentic. How awesome is that?