You Know That Ain’t Yo Real Daddy

Secrets camouflaged as an attempt to protect children continue to plague the black community. It was common for a pregnant teenager to be sent to the South to have their babies. If that wasn’t weird enough sometimes an aunt or even the grandmother would take on the role of the new baby’s mother. Sometimes these babies grow up believing that their birth mother is their cousin or even their sister. I never understood this plan. I have concluded that the adults convinced themselves that they were protecting the children involved but in actuality they were only protecting themselves. They only cared about what others would have thought. This fear based, ego driven thought process is just one of the types of secrets kept in the black family. I’m sure these lies (because that’s what they are) are rampant in other cultures, but I can only speak of what I have seen and experienced.

I have to admit the Bishop Eddie Long scandal has sparked and awakened some deep-seeded opinions in the matter of black family secrets. This man allegedly coerced you parishioners in performing sex acts with/on him.  His church, New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, has over 25,000 members. I think I have read comments from each of his 25,000 supporters. They begin like this: “Let’s be slow to judge” or my personal favorite, “No weapon formed against me shall…” Some of these people are probably quick to give their opinion about the Real House Wives of ______, though. I’m sure they have an opinion about Kim Kardashian's love life and I’m sure that they just can’t understand why Sister Jackson left Brother Jackson, because he is a good man.

My sliding patio door, 2008

Those matters are none of our business. The care and protection of children IS our business, but some reserve comment because they have to protect their pastor. If indeed he is guilty, he is not alone. There are several other people, including his wife and the plaintiffs’ mother’s, who probably should be held accountable. I’m sure there are church staff members who provided a protective fence around “Bisshup” that allowed him to prey on these children.

I find it very disgusting the care taken to protect adults at such a very high cost. How many molesting uncles and mama boyfriends are we going to protect? How many more mothers are going to turn their heads as their husbands touch their children? We have generations of children who were never able to trust the persons who should have an innate urge to protect them, their parents.

How many times must a child find out that his real daddy is “Uncle” Joe from next door at a very inopportune time from a very inappropriate person? Who wants to hear “That’s not your real daddy” from the neighborhood kids at the local playground?

You can help break this stronghold of surreptitious behavior in the black community. Start in your own family. Refuse to keep any damaging secrets especially the ones that harm children. I’m not asking you to blurt out all you know but encourage discussion and openness in your family. Respect children’s right to know and strive to protect them from physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm.

Our Boys

Old San Juan, Puerto Rico 2010

Our angry, emotionally void boys, sigh - How did they get this way? Let’s peek in at the Johnson’s front yard on the corner of Main and Elmwood streets.  Seven-year-old Johnny falls out of a tree. His mom and dad run to his assistance.  Little Johnny is in pain and as a result he cries, because this is how humans are designed, right?  His mom tries to soothe him and comfort him. His dad tells mom to stop treating him like a baby and suggests that Johnny should “man-up”.

We’ve got to stop passing these so called manhood guidelines down from generation to generation. We’ve got to allow our boys to act natural - to remain creative, to remain intuitive, and to remain expressive.  We’ve got to stop labeling such behaviors as “gay” and anyway if your child IS gay, what’s the big deal? We’ve got to say no to society’s standards in order to protect our boys. This allows our boys to grow up to be their own individual version of a man.

Of course, personalities are more complex than this little blog can address, but I believe we must take a moment to recognize that sometimes our boys’ greatest challenge is overcoming adult’s fears. Our boys are growing up angry, emotionally unavailable, unable to empathize and unable to communicate their feelings. Take the pledge today to abandon those irrational and unhealthy rules on what constitutes a man. Let’s hear it for Our Boys!

Too Late, I'm Happy!

Old San Juan, Puerto Rico 2010

At this point there is very little I can do about my happiness. What I mean is that I have practiced the art of happiness so diligently and intensely that the student has become a teacher. Do you now how difficult it is to unlearn math? If you were a true student and dedicated to learning math, you will never forget the basics. You can go for years without practicing math and when you have an opportunity to use your skills again the information will come back - maybe slowly, maybe quickly- but it will. The skill of happiness is imbedded into my being, there is little I can do about it now.

Another thing that makes it difficult to unlearn my happiness, is that I have some sort of happiness gene. I have always been cheerful and happy. I haven’t always been spiritually healthy but I have always smiled. I don’t claim to be nice or pleasant but I am happy. I don’t claim to not get angry or sad or frustrated but those things are fleeting illusions. I acknowledge and I move on.

Please don’t confuse my happiness for clueluessness or being the hapless optimist. Yes, logic leads me to believe that certain things should unfold a certain way. This has been my training for decades, but recently I discovered that logic is not the end-all-be-all. I have intuition. I can manifest. I can let things unfold without my control. Knowing that every moment is something new and exciting allows me to “ lose control”. What do I mean by lose control?

When I lose control, I let go of the need to over think, be attached to an outcome or live in the future. Although I plan for the future and most of the time I have a plan to achieve my goals, I have accepted that the Source ALWAYS has a better plan. With that knowledge, I let go of the control. I let my wishes be known and then I walk toward my goals (actually I fly) and let the Source do the rest.

So you are probably asking - what does this have to do with happiness? I am happy because I am free. I am smiling because I am free. Without the burden of planning every step of my wishes, I allow and believe and know that my destiny is a co-creation of the divine Source and me. This makes me happy.

A Lesson in Energy 1

Ocho Rios, Jamaica 2009

I speak about energy often. I am usually not referring to the current that allow light bulbs to shine or your radio to hum. Although it is similar and from the same Source, I am referring to the power and vibration around each and every object and person, seen and unseen. All things have an energy. You can place a value on it if you would like. Just remember it is our perception that assigns value. You can value it negative or positive, good or bad, sad or happy…whatever helps you communicate with the object. Because I am extremely sensitive, energy from people, places and things communicate with me easily. It may not be the intention of the people, places or things, but I “pick up” their energies as naturally as I breathe. It is almost effortless.

If you practice, you can feel your way through this life instead of only thinking or reacting or knowing. All of those are a part of the human experience but most of us have been taught to repress our feelings. We dismiss gut feelings. We dismiss the energy coming from that person or thing. We have devalued energy. Not only is it useful, it is divine. It is the closest communication you can have with the Source or the source.

The Source is God for some, the Universe for others and many other labels, but what ever you choose to call it or know it as, “it” is what we all are -the Divine, the Source. The source, on the other hand, is the person, place or thing that is communicating with you with its energy. In other words you communicate with all things through energy - God, trees, your car, your sister, animals, etc. You must learn how to relax and allow to communicate effectively.

This energy (communication) can have weight, it can be thick. It can be light and airy, but remember it is all perception. If there is energy that weighs you down, remove it. If you are giving energy away to something (or someone) that is not taking you toward who you really are or it is being taken away from you by something (or someone) that is not helping you remember who you really are, why bother? I call those type of energies, “stuff”. Once you relax and allow, things will happen. You will begin to notice energy from things that weigh you down or lift you up. When that happens, you can discern.

Do an energy assessment of your life. Get rid of all the “stuff” that does not serve you well. When you have done that, you will open yourself up to clear communication with the Source and the sources that serve you well. We will talk about energy assessments at a later date. Until then allow your body and spirit to listen (communicate) with your surroundings. Let me know how it goes.



Talk to you soon!

In this game the score is always ZERO

Santa Monica, California 2010

Are you competing with someone and they don’t know that they are in the game? Do you expend energy to out dress, out smart, or generally out do someone? Do they know this? Do you harbor feelings about a person and the way you express these feeling is to “ be better” than them in some aspect? Does any of this sound familiar?

Let me give you an example: In high school, Tracy was the popular cheerleader. You have resented her for years. This is not unusual, your typical high school angst. Fast forward twenty years. You and Tracy are coworkers. Your goal every day is to make sure you are dressed better than Tracy. You also make an extra effort to let Tracy know how happy you are in your marriage (even if this is not true). You make sure that she knows that your house is bigger and your kids are smarter. The most absurd behavior of all is that when Tracy is nice to you, and she is always nice to you, you assume that she is being insincere and disingenuous.

You have an agenda and a game plan and Tracy has no idea she is the opponent.

This type of behavior is an energy waster. The energy you are using to “one-up” someone could be used to explore the feeling behind the behavior. There is ALWAYS a root to the expression. Your expression can be a beautiful rose or an invasive weed. You can use that energy to forgive. You can use that energy to genuinely treat someone well. Exploring your feelings but not living in the past forces you to remember who you really are and helps you to become more authentic. How awesome is that?