‘Tis the Season for Foodborne Illnesses

Oh, “The Holidays”! What a glorious, joyful season! à Spending time with your loved ones or at least people you pretend to like. What could go wrong besides your aunt and uncle announcing, during the big game, that they are divorcing? ßDo NOT do this! Please wait until all food and football have been consumed. Back to the topic at hand that I have not yet presented. As I was asking, what could go wrong? WELLLLLL, you could kill someone with your cooking. It could taste perfectly awesome but because you did not follow simple rules whilst preparing your dish, you could cause someone excruciating pain and misery…. or death. From workplace potlucks to elaborate recipes taken from Irma S. Rombauer’s ‘Joy of Cooking’, some minimum requirements need to be in place before and whilst you prepare meals. Here they are:

photo from noholidaynolife.com 

1.    Clean your kitchen from top to bottom. Clean cabinets, floors, baseboards, sinks and refrigerator. Ok, I may have gone too far with the baseboards, that is a reminder for me to clean mine. And, YES, your refrigerator--- especially if you are storing food there.

2.    Wash your hands often. If you leave the kitchen for ANY reason, when you return, wash your hands including your fingernails. I don't care if you have to do this 27 times.

3.    Do you have pets? If so, they can NOT be in the kitchen with you whilst you prepare meals for other people. Unless they are caged (for the record I do not condone caging animals) they should not be in the kitchen with you. I find that animal owners (I also do not condone owning living things of any kind, so I prefer the term human or animal companion) take this advice especially hard. Apparently, they are offended when no one wants to eat their casserole with the knowledge that they allow their cat to walk on their counter as they prepare a meal. Your pet has fur, feathers, and/or drools. We understand that s/he is a part of your family, but we do not want them as a part of our meal (unless your pet is a chicken and its cooked wing is a part of the meal).

4.    I love to see children helping mom and dad in the kitchen. It is a bonding time and a time to teach basic life skills, HOWEVER when preparing food for others this is not the place for a teachable moment. Children tend to lack any caution or any observance to health and safety guidelines. Many of them have not met a booger that they did not like and this makes me nervous about them preparing my meal. This is what I have seen children do: Scratch any and all body parts before eating their food; Wipe their nose on their sleeves; Sneeze/cough without covering their nose or mouth; Pet the dog and then offer someone  a cookie; and Pick at their blistery hangnails. I will be honest I have seen many adults behave in the above manner but they do have some guidelines about when they do those things. Right? Right? I am not saying keep your kid out of the kitchen, but just let her/him observe. Thanks.

5.    DO NOT DOUBLE DIP. You can do it to your food but not to food that you are serving others. Do not taste the food and place that same spoon/fork/ladle back into the pot. NO. NO. NO! Change utensils or wash after each use. It is always a good idea to have a standing sink of hot soapy water so you can clean spills and wash dishes as you go any way. This should serve as a reminder! Also, do NOT taste food while standing over said food. Talk about backwash! Food from your mouth or saliva can drop in the food. TASTE AWAY FROM THE POT!

I do not claim to be the tidiest person in the world. Just recently the inside of my home resembled a crime scene, but know that if I have prepared a meal for you, I have followed the above rules. Once your food makes someone sick, you will NEVER live that down. Feel free to add your own rules. Happy Cooking!

Consequences of Love

*The following words are from someone living with Sickle Cell Disease.


I got this from my mother and father. Unbeknownst to them they carried the gene that they passed along to me. Although it was not the gift they were looking to present me with, I have learned to embrace it. In the end we all have something.

As a member of the affected community, I have a privileged vantage point that makes me privy to certain sensations and intelligence allowing me to reflect on this thing, this sickle cell disease. Since the beginning, we have somehow managed to navigate the circuitous road of therapies that sometime impales our progress. We have and still do hope, no pray for the cure that will deliver us from this incessant suffering, the tortuous pain that pits us against implacable providers of relief who dole out miniscule amounts of analgesic. We want to call ourselves by our names and define our situational crises as we see fit. We want to have a say in what is written about us. We want to critique our critics and allies before misleading comments are committed to paper in medical annals forever shaping the version of who we are and what we do, however well intentioned. We praise the indefatigable healers who slay the dragons that make us slaves to uncertainty. We want a holistic approach to our healing. We want to do well, be well and live well. Mostly for me I want the affected community, to speak out, speak up and lead the way to our cure instead of being marginal participants in the cause.

When it takes a mother five years to get a 504 designation for her child from the school district, we have a ways to go. When we have individuals forever maimed because help hasn’t come soon enough or been complete enough, we have a ways to go. When we have a dearth of knowledgeable providers standing at the ready, we have a ways to go. When doctors have that look in their eye signifying there’s nothing left in that black bag, we have a ways to go. When the hospitalist sweeps into our room, casually announcing that we have avascular necrosis or chronic kidney disease, we have a ways to go. When children undergo chronic blood transfusions in order to prevent stroke, we have a ways to go. When children don’t even bother envisioning a world filled with untold possibilities, we have a ways to go. When transition is still a word bandied about in medical circles instead of a true pathway, we have a ways to go. When we have precious few veins left to puncture and the phlebotomist keeps sticking anyway, we have a ways to go.

When individuals with the disease see themselves as imperfect, we have a ways to go. When individuals fail to demand a better future, we have a ways to go. When insurance carriers refuse to write policies or if they do charge an exorbitantly outrageous premium, we have a ways to go. When individuals can’t have a career because the disruptions come hard and heavy, we have a ways to go. When individuals don’t exercise their power in collaborating with their health team, we have a ways to go. When research is competitive, tied to how many suffer and what is the potential for monetary gain, we have a ways to go. When depression is one’s constant companion, we have a ways to go. When medical staff gives you that look, you know the one, “drug seeker”; we have a ways to go. When the pain was 10 yesterday, is 10 today, and was 10 back when Herrick wrote his famous paper back in 1910, we have a ways to go.

 When we don’t know what the next second will bring, and there are 86,000 a day, we have a ways to go. When it takes hours waiting in the emergency room before relief is rendered we have a ways to go. When virtually the only place you can go for deep doo-doo pain is the ER, we have a ways to go. When fear shadows us, we have a ways to go. When the legions of people with sickle cell disease are a bedroom community to AIDS, cancer and heart disease we have a ways to go. When states haven’t the courage to authorize legislation that may ameliorate this dreaded infirmity we have a ways to go. When Google does not list the cure, we have a ways to go.

I have a monkey on my back; I’ve been carrying him since my conception. Sometimes he perches on my shoulders quietly but there are occasions when he wraps his prehensile tail around my throat swinging back and forth, squeezing gently letting out an unearthly screech to remind me that I’m not the ringmaster of
this Barnum and Bailey life. I think that may be the most difficult thing for us--having to relinquish control without consent.

I have a room in misery’s mansion. I check in unannounced, unscheduled. No booking is ever required; I have a permanent reservation. I used to check out rather quickly after a short stay. However, bout after bout has taken its toll. It takes more effort and more time to recover and rise above the depths of my temporary incarceration. Nevertheless, I do eventually get out.

Poverty of vigor, unimpeachable fear and crucifying pain are the hallmarks of this disease. We all know this. It is the hurricane within for those of us which SCD. It is the storm-ravaged landscape, unrecognizable, unfathomable. I was talking with my friend Eric Kirkwood who is assiduously trying to stay ahead of the game. Eating nutritious meals, getting enough rest, using holistic measures, and exercising in moderation are a part of his plan yet he is still tired as Winnie the Pooh’s Eyore. We can do all the right things at the right time and still have erratic stability.

I’m angry that I have to use two hands now to count my friends who have gone over to the other side. I’m angry that some of them died alone. I’m angry that managed care is in all actuality mangled care. I’m angry because it takes several denials before people are approved for social security disability. I’m angry that white coated wonders still wander the halls of hospitals dispensing their own personal brand of insensitivity. I am angry that my compadres remain in the closet and haven’t “come out” to dispel the myths promulgated by various media. I’m angry that there isn’t a ground swell of collective energy directed towards the eradication of this inherited disorder. I’m angry that my blood cells only last 10 – 12 days. That’s not enough time to get to know them and have an intimate relationship. I’m angry that I have to fly with oxygen—it’s just one more inconvenience that comes at a price. I’m angry that we are so complex yet we get homogenized treatment. I’m angry that fewer doctors are signing on to care for us. I’m angry that most people still haven’t heard of SCD and we can’t seem to do anything about it. I’m bitter that race still plays a role. I’m angry that there’s so much work to do and we’re all so tired. However, I’m emboldened that we forge ahead despite the setbacks, roadblocks and grim reaper who lurks around the corner waiting to claim its next victim.

This pain slowly descends into molten hell, the crystalline pain boomeranging off my bones seeps into my limbs and joints rendering them useless. This lava that completely encapsulates my body unleashes a tyranny temporarily suspending my sanity. No amount of morphine or dilaudid or anything can exact total release from this stupor. Although our pain is a corporate experience, this is my individual definition. This is my personal devil. It is my master. I am its slave. I do not know its point of impact or final destination. I groan internally, feeling like I disappear a little. My world goes black. There is no question on the score: Hoxi 0, pain 1. I firmly believe there is always some compensation in every trial; however, I just haven’t figured it out yet.
I was wondering why grief counselors aren’t mobilized for people living with SCD since our lives are a comic tragedy laced with melodrama. If life is a stage, I vote for a new script. And since I haven’t been crowned queen of the universe I’ll just live my life like it’s golden, savoring each moment as it comes, even the ones that are dark and dreary because the incredible lightness of being always follows and that’s what I’m searching for.

Therefore, as I stride along, gazing at this world of chaos where the view is unpredictable, I repeat my new mantra, faith it, that is F-A-I-T-H until you make it.The foregoing expressions do not represent the sponsors or funders – just merely the musings of a black woman with sickle cell anemia. Thank you for the opportunity to speak and remember I am not invisible, we are not invisible, we are you!

-J. Hoxi Jones
.

To Get to Mr. Right rid Ms. Blame

*I wrote this article for a magazine over two years ago under another name. I pulled it out to see how much I've grown. I like the content, but I would make a few changes today. Enjoy.

How many times have you complained to your friends about being fed up with the whole dating scene? Have you cried out to the heavens “Why can’t I find Mr. Right? Where are all the good men?” Why are my friends and I sitting around having coffee with most of our conversations dominated by this enigmatic topic?

We have relied heavily on blaming others for our misfortunes in romantic relationships – sister’s counsel, friend’s accepted wisdom, mother’s advice, grandfather’s expectations and more specifically – MEN! On numerous occasions we have had conversations about how the ‘good’ ones are taken, too immature or do not know what they want. Oftentimes, I have caught myself singing the proverbial “I am a strong, beautiful, highly- motivated, educated, successful woman” only to be disappointed in men I dated – it was clearly their fault. I had come to the conclusion that men were either intimidated by me or would prefer - based in my mind - a less attractive, less educated, yielding woman. I had it all figured out, so I thought.

J. Paul Getty Museum 

I recall running into an ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend and noticing that they had a unique happiness about their interactions; it was easily evident and palpable to all observers. As aversion crept into my psyche, I wondered how he could have this apparent chemistry with a person who I considered to be less striking than me! As much as I wanted to run back to my girlfriends and tell them my ex and his girl had put on a ‘good show’, my mild (swallowing my pride) envy quelled and I knew, intuitively, what they had was authentic and pure. And, I was viewing the situation from a vantage point without merit.

I realized that I was being trivial and disingenuous – with myself. The thought of someone loving me only for the way I looked would be hurtful to me but, that was the very – admittedly juvenile - comparison criteria I was using. It caused me to have an intimate assessment of myself and my wants. I made a quick list of what I wanted in a partner - a smart, loving, intellectual, honest, thoughtful friend etc…. Ironically, physical attractiveness was closer to the bottom of my list. Don’t get me wrong, I am not ignoring the value of attractiveness and understand the need to be physically attractive to your partner – men and women are visual. However, my untainted, internal conversation simply clarified my priorities.

I noticed that my thoughts, intentions and actions may well have been the culprit in blocking me from attracting that ‘good’ man. Even my definition of ‘good’ had to be analyzed. What did ‘good’ really mean to me. What does ‘good’ mean to you? You may be surprised at how you arrived at your definition. Was it some outdated notion that we had let years of external superficial influences shape. Or, was it really something internally searched and a result of what our souls were telling us.

I have an old friend who always complains about attracting ‘gold diggers’. As I scanned his garish jewelry, I remembered this is a man who pulls out a sheaf of money to pay for rounds of expensive vodka and rare champagne for several ladies at trendy night clubs. That is when I had another epiphany. He was attracting exactly what he put out. I know him as kind, witty and charming but he was not relying on those attributes. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself how good of a catch he was, he did not believe it because he expressed his self-worth with his possessions.

Without even thinking, I was able to rattle off the obvious reasons for his romantic faux pas, but in the past had been clueless about my own. It is funny how you can’t see the picture when you are inside the frame. Light attracts light. Selfish attracts selfish. Insecurity attracts insecurity. Money attracts opportunist. Shallow attracts shallow. When you draw from a place where you love yourself and abandon all the negative thoughts, superficial feelings and actions that influenced your approach, you will find the romantic path that will lead to your partner of fate.

The partner I desire is out there! This, I truly know. Going forward, my girlfriends and I will be having conversations about the quality relationships we have had and are going to have. Even if the relationships do not end up with ‘The One’ initially, we now revel in the fact we are self-aware and are on the proper course in finding Mr. Right since we have done away with Ms. Blame!

The Most Wonderful TIME OF THE YEAR

I am not anti-Christmas. I am not anti-Jesus. Actually, Jesus (whether a real person or fictional character) was a great teacher and I find value in the stories about his work. I would also like to note that I enjoy celebrations and birthday parties. Since I have no problem with Jesus, and I like a good party, I have no problem with Christmas. I mean, why not? Granted, the story of Christmas, at best, is a colorful piece of mythical literature, but that does not interfere with the essence of Christmas for me. Also, I think we all know that Jesus was not likely to have been born in December, but that is just a mere technicality, right? Let’s kick it anyway, but let’s address a few things first.

Apparently Christians have an issue with Atheists and other non-believers questioning the season. The “freedoms” that we have extend to all (U.S. citizens that are not imprisoned), right? I think the arrogance of Christianity drives many of us “indifferent” people away. Christians, you do NOT own December. How is it that you assume that all are comfortable with the widespread celebration of Christmas? Allow people to respectfully disagree with you. In addition to those who oppose Christmas, there are other celebrations and belief systems that are much older and many times more active during the ENTIRE year than this Christian holiday. This brings me to another observation.

Other factors that push the indifferent away are the obvious and sometimes overwhelming changes in human behavior for the weeks surrounding Christmas. All of a sudden, some people are nicer and more cheerful than usual and offering help and dropping gold coins in buckets. I get it; this time of the year brings out the best in people. The gestures are appreciated. Know this: People are hungry year-round. Children need clothes year-round. Humans desire to be loved year-round. It seems that many good deeds are packed into the month of December and as soon as the clock on your iPod strikes midnight on January 1^st, it is back to business as usual. Again these are just MY observations. If this ain’t you, it ain’t you. Carry on. Be Authentic. (I had to slip this in somewhere.)

Concrete Jungle

I feel obligated to share with you how “business as usual” looks. Some charities are so overwhelmed with volunteers during Christmas that they have to turn some away, yet they struggle in the summer. Some charities raise more than half of their income during Christmas but are unable to break even in the summer. You know when poor children suffer the most? Yep, you guessed it, in the summer. Poor children rely on meals during the school year. When school ends, the consistent meals end. Many organizations that offer pantry and meal programs need donations and volunteers during THE SUMMER. Many poor children don’t have access to summer educational programs. It sure would be nice if volunteers would mentor during this time. Please consider celebrating the essence of Christmas year-round.

I think most feel that Christmas “should” be a time of sharing and spreading joy, but in reality some people mostly suffer from stress and overextension. Some create an ideal then struggle to duplicate. Many are not experiencing joy; they are merely trying to manufacture it. I don’t know many people who actually live in the essence of the season. Those few, who do live in the essence of the season, don’t differentiate this time of the year with any other. To them, any given day is a day to share, to enjoy, to care for our Earth, to be kind, and to be love.

We have allowed marketing executives to define Christmas. They have set the bar. They have determined the value. When people can’t meet those expectations, they can become anxious and unbalanced. Some people become so depressed they feel as though they can no longet live; death is their solace. With so much emphasis on the ideal, people can’t cope. This is insanity. We can change. We can make this right.

I sometimes daydream about the mountains we could move and harmony we could manifest if we brought “Joy To The World” YEAR-ROUND. I sometimes wonder how organic and habitual giving could be if we did it all the time. Gifts would be shared just because. People would lend a helping hand just because. Soup kitchens would never worry about having enough people to serve during any part of the year. The shift of energy from a four-week period to an all day every day celebration of humankind would send good vibrations all over the universe. I’ll even allow Christians to name this year-round love fest Christmas if it would get most of them to act more “Christ-like”. I could not care less about the title as long as good works were being done. Join me for a Christmas party in August!

*These are my observations. They are only meant to bring awareness. There is no right or wrong way to celebrate Christmas. There are no shoulds or should nots, but know this: make sure that what you are trying to do, match your efforts. Sometimes when we have a goal, what we are doing essentially takes us away from a goal instead of moving us closer to it.

OH MY GOD, why is this happening to me?

“Fuck, I have the worst luck. I’m a good person. I can’t catch a break.” Does this sound like you? First of all, when you stop thinking that things happen TO you, your entire understanding of life will be turned upside down… for the best.

Let me begin with an observation during the weeks after being laid off. My former company offered consulting from an employment agency for those who were laid off. Before receiving services, one needed to attend an orientation. Orientation was filled with people from my former company as well as other companies. I don’t remember exactly what information the facilitator asked us to share with the class, but the next 30 minutes were revealing.

My pink toes! I <3 Espadrilles. 

What people were sharing were stories of loss and a feeling of shock. They were hurt and grieving. They just could not understand why this had happened TO them. While I understood their anguish, I was also overwhelmed with disappointment because they were unaware of their role in their separation from their companies. Many of them identified themselves AS their job and not just a part of their life; this caused more grief.

I know what you’re asking; if someone is going above and beyond what is asked at their job, how was it her fault they were let go? She didn’t ask to be laid off. Also, it’s normal to feel sad after suffering a loss. Great points!

First and foremost, there isn’t anything that is happening TO you. All that you are experiencing is BECAUSE of you. Your experiences are all manifested using your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and choices (conscious and unconscious); ALL your experiences, the “good” and “bad”. You can’t take credit for all your “hard” work and “prayer” for the “good” things that happen in your life, but all of a sudden, the “bad” has nothing to do with you.

I don’t know what you’ve been thinking or choosing, but losing your job is either something you manifested or a part of the process to get to your desire. You may have desired to spend more time with your kids; you may have hated the commute; you may have wanted to go back to school, but would NEVER think of letting your job go. You may have desired a wife, and leaving this job and being hired at another leads you to her. Losing your job may have put things in motion. I don’t know how, and chances are you don’t know either because you don’t monitor your thoughts, feelings and choices.

Here’s a bonus question: “Wait, are you saying I manifested my mother’s death? I didn’t ask for my mother to die.” Again, your mother’s death didn’t happen TO YOU. I’m pretty sure it "happened" TO HER. What IS HAPPENING, is that you are experiencing feelings about your mother’s death. “Well surely, she didn’t manifest her own death.” Whew! This is a delicate subject (but not difficult) for those who live on the surface. I can’t address that now, but I will at some point. It will take an entire shift in how you view life for anything I say about “death” to make sense. I’ll get to that in a much later post.

Back to manifestation - If you make a small effort, you can pinpoint how you manifested anything in your life. Sometimes it takes asking some hard questions that result in painful answers. To find the road map to how something became reality in your life, one must be authentic. (There’s that damn word again.) If you aren’t honest about how you really feel, you won’t be able to do it. If you are stuck on how you SHOULD have felt about something or what you SHOULD have thought about something, you won’t be able to do it. Look back on some of the choices you’ve made. They brought you to this very moment right here. You and only you have control of your life. There is nothing outside of you that controls you. You are a co-creator of your life. There is nothing that seeks to control you, but there is the energy of all that THERE IS that assists you in your pursuits. This “thing” does not discriminate. It does not place a value of “good” and “bad”. If you want drama in your life, it will assist you in attracting drama.

I’m limited in how I can explain manifestation because many people will find it difficult to grasp the simplicity and complete cataclysm of their current frame of mind. For instance, I use co-creator. I use this because most people have been trained to separate everything. They even look to the sky to talk to *“God” as though it is separate from you. Your co-creator is all that is, which means your co-creator is you. We are one. Religions make tons of money promoting separateness and teaching that there is something outside yourself that blesses you with good fortune or punishes you with misery.

The next time you feel like you are having “bad luck”, take a moment to see how you played a part in this experience and/or go with the flow and allow the process to play out. You can change your entire disposition with a shift in perception. Remember this: Nothing happens TO you. You have been trained to think that you have no control. You have been trained that something outside yourself orders your life. When you learn how to manage this great power that we ALL have, bliss Happens, balance Happens, peace Happens. IT Happens.





*When I use the term GOD, I am not referring to some man in the sky living among the clouds. It is not angry, vengeful. It does not test or tempt. It does not play games with a so-called “devil”. It is not a separate entity from me. I am it, and it is me. I don’t serve it or pray to it. It is nothing to “believe in”. I don’t have “faith” in it. It just is. Vibration and energy.